Crabcakes, Paleo Mayo & Lara Bars; A Must Read!!

Okay so the title of this blog is a little dramatic. I may or may not have just wanted your complete attention. You would think I had some sort of awesome give away prize or contest or the president just dropped dead but no this is not that kind of blog. All 12 of you that read my blog, you’re in for a treat. And the rest that are just dropping by, consider yourself lucky.
I had to restock on meats the other day. While at roots I saw they had lump Maryland crab meat. It was one pound. My first thought was crab cakes, my second thought was hell yes, and there were zero thoughts going through my head about the $30 price tag on this purchase. My total for this grocery trip was absurd, but I deserve it, I mean look what else I bought…
As if I needed more reason to eat Lara bars, I bought almost every flavor. Two, in my favorite flavors. I’m actually not a big fan of the more “dessert” themed lara bars. They are a little sweet and make my stomach hurt. Nonetheless, they are still delicious and will fix your sweet tooth if necessary. My favorites are cashew cookie, coconut cream pie, banana bread, pecan pie, che….okay I’m done. But in all seriousness, try Lara bars out. If you are looking for a healthy on the go snack, or just love granola bars, they are your best bet. The ingredients is beyond perfection. For example, the ingredient for cashew cookie is cashews and dates. Yes, I’m done…cashews and dates. No syrup, sugar, oil, flour. There is no granola in this “granola” bar. Just all natural goodness. Yes, you look at the sugar and notice it’s a little high. It’s natural sugar, sugar your bodies are actually “supposed” to consume. They might have the same sugar content as your typical granola bar, but you will notice the sugar in those crazy bars are added. Why add sugar? The lara bars are delicious the way they are. I’m waiting for the day that I can buy my favorite flavors by the box… but for now, I’ll try to show some control. Go out and buy some!

And now for this crab meat business I was so eager to share with everyone. After browsing recipes for crab cakes all week I decided I wanted to ditch those recipes and just wing it. I knew what was needed, and the recipe is quite simple. And holy crap, they were perfect.

First, we must make the Paleo Mayonnaise.


In a food processor, combine 1 egg, 1/2 squeezed lemon (for juice), and about 1/2 tsp of Sea Salt. Process for about 20 seconds. Next you will need 1/2 cup Olive Oil and 1/2 cup Coconut Oil. Slowly add your oil into your food processor. I was told to literally do this slow. Not a slow pour, like one drop at a time. You need some serious patience to do this because I failed miserably. I added one drop at a time and the only thing I did slowly was start adding the oil in faster. So the consistency wasn’t exactly identical to mayo, and I forgot to take a picture, but it was perfect for the crab cakes. Not sure if I’d spread this stuff on a sandwich though…

OKAY! Crab Cakes!
Preheat your oven to 400 degrees – You will also be using a skillet.
-1 pound lumb crab meat
-1 Egg
-1/4 cup Coconut Flour
-1/4 cup Gluten Free Baking flour
-2 tsp Dijon Mustard (you may add more)
-2 tsp parsley
-1/2 squeezed lemon (for juice)
-1 tsp Garlic Powder
-1/2 cup Paleo Mayo
-1 tsp Hot Sauce
-Salt & Pepper to taste
-As much Old Bay as you damn well please!
Combine all ingredients into a bowl.
Make into patties
Melt 1/4 Cup Coconut Oil in a bowl. Measure 1/3 cup Coconut Flour, mix with sprinkle of Old Bay & Salt. Dip your patties in the coconut oil (lightly) and then dip them in the flour mixture. Place them on your stone and put them in the oven for 12 minutes on 400 degrees.
Once you take them out of the oven, start heating your skillet on medium heat. Place a tablespoon of coconut oil on your skillet and your crab cakes. I used a small skillet and did two at a time.



Keep on skillet for about 2-4 minutes, or until golden brown. I ate one right away and it was so delicious! I was worried they were going to be dry, but they were perfectly moist. (Does anyone else hate the word moist?) I didn’t use any sauce, nor did I have to add any salt. These crab cakes would be delicious with guacamole, or my homemade ketchup!

Get your chemicals here!

Get your chemicals here!

I am so grossed out.  Read the link above through and realize what you are putting in your bodies! I was at a gas station driving home from Ohio yesterday and needed something to eat. I was going straight to crossfit and hadn’t had a substantial meal since breakfast. There was NOTHING to eat at that gas station. Every packet of mixed nuts had a list of fifty ingredients. Why do they have to make it so complicated. People buy nuts because they want to eat nuts, not 100 oils and 100 chemicals. The ingredients could simply be almonds, cashews, pecans, but of course America loves chemicals so it couldn’t stop there. I needed food so I picked the one with the least ingredients. It had vegetable oil in it, not so hot but the only option! I think the brand was Frito-Lay. Anyways, there were hard boiled eggs near the sandwich section. I nearly vomited while purchasing them, but I did. My mother and I tasted one of the eggs and could just tell it was not fresh, and ridiculously processed with chemicals. We had to throw those away. As if we were expecting anything different.


Come on amurrica!


I didn’t fail completely though. We stopped at a farmers market before we left and I picked up two huge Bacon Peanut Butter Cups. One for my brother, and one for my coaches. I do this thing where I buy things for people that I want them to eat because I can’t eat it. SOMEONE has to enjoy this bacon peanut butter cup situation I stumbled upon, and unfortunately it can’t be me. I also picked up fig infused olive oil, garlic olive oil, and a mason jar wine class. They called it a redneck wine glass. I’m ready to get classy.

Snack Attack

So last week a little something happened to me that I like to call a snack attack. I’m completely fine talking about my “snack attacks” because I know that we all have those moments. It’s those moments where you are bored, stressed, really excited, or lazy. You’re so hungry that you sure as hell do not want to settle for a cup of broccoli and some salmon. It’s that stupid kind of hungry where you want the good stuff. You want the snacks. I was rummaging through my fridge because…
…I wanted something delicious, but I didn’t want to cook, and I didn’t want to cheat on my diet. So what exactly does a snack even mean these days? There are a few different opinions about what a snack really is. Is your snack a bag of chips? A ho-ho? A honey bun? Donuts? That drenched in sugar protein bar you picked up from the gas station? Or are you super trendy and go for things like, celery sticks and peanut butter, frozen yogurt (plus all those healthy brownie toppings).
I was watching Princesses of Long Island on Bravo the other day. LOVE that show, it is such a train wreck, and reminds me that I’m stable. Perfect. Anyways, two girls were shopping (cardio) and they talked about frozen yogurt. In all seriousness the younger sister starts explaining why they should get frozen yogurt. Main reason being she heard frozen yogurt naturally makes you lose weight. It was hilarious, I was laughing. Frozen yogurt is delicious but come on girlfriend. Another trendy snack; Diet Coke.
Have you ever really listened to the sentence “I’ll have a diet” when people order their beloved diet coke? Oh, you want a diet? Here’s some lettuce, no need to tip.
Snacks are really confusing to me. I don’t even exactly have “snacks” anymore. My snack is a cup of veggies and 5 oz of chicken. The closest thing I get to a snack these days is a Lara bar. And when I eat those, the sky opens up and the sun starts shining. So obviously I’ve been feeling a little snack deprived…
So if you’re like me and you, one, enjoy the paleo, clean eating, lifestyle. Two, are trying to lose weight body fat percentage. Or three, have a serious gluten & dairy intolerance. I am here to help you.
As I said before, I’ve kinda been lacking in the snacks department. With the results I am trying to achieve and the way I am striving to eat, my “snacks” look almost identical to what my “meals” look like. I’m not always this strict. I went through this phase when I first got “diagnosed” with a gluten and dairy intolerance where I ate every gluten/dairy free dessert product in the books. That’s where I went wrong. I for some reason thought those products couldn’t do as much harm to my body because they were simply labeled “organic” or “gluten free”. Maybe if I was trying to maintain my weight, these snacks would be okay in moderation. I was trying to lose, but I was gaining. My head was not in the game. My friend Amber and I would come home from crossfit and make jokes about how we were eating like we were bulking. “It’s fine I’m bulking *hairflip*” Who are we?
Cashew butter and enjoy life “chocolate” chips. Not a bad snack, in moderation, not every night. I was eating Organic Coconut Bliss ice cream and Almond Dreams ice cream bites. Gluten free cereal. And probably too much nut butter. I had been strict paleo for two months and obviously went a little cray cray after I stopped. Now I think I have it a little under control.
This was my first ever paleo lunch, back in December. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing or what to eat because I felt like anything I currently had was not on the paleo checklist. This isn’t exactly a bad meal. It’s just funny to look at what I was eating when I first started. It’d make a great snack.
Back to this snack attack I was supposed to be talking about. Pictured above is the remnants of my so called snack attack. I can give a big thank you to my food intolerances that save me from going to Wendy’s or Krispy Kreme with my brother. I was craving chips. I didn’t just want guacamole, I wanted to dip some friggin chips in some friggin guac. Ya know? But I couldn’t. So I finished off the guacamole with the rest of the carrot sticks and the rest of the mango slices in my refrigerator. I had a lara bar, and some cashews. Why did I just lie and say some? I had a lot of cashews. It happened and I was over it. Could have been worse. Could have had two lara bars (Still wouldn’t have been mad). But in the end of the day I was kinda annoyed at myself for not just making dinner and being content with that. So I realized I needed to make some moves and get creative with my “Whole Life Challenge” approved snacks.

Question 1: What the hell can I eat guacamole with that doesn’t involve being placed on top of meat or eaten with carrot sticks? Okay, so I want guacamole. But I need some protein regardless. What’s protein that isn’t meat? Eggs. Okay eggs. Hard boiled eggs. Perfect.
I removed most of my yolks from my eggs and replaced them with guacamole. It’s consistency is very similar to deviled eggs, which I love. And you can’t go wrong with guacamole. It packs little protein, so yeah maybe I had some chicken on the side. But you still get a great, healthy, meal out of this. Or snack, I should say.

Question 2: I want chips. No this isn’t a question, it’s a statement. Every now and then, we want chips. This is no new and improved recipe, but PLAINTAIN CHIPS. In my opinion, they taste better than potato chips.
-1 Medium Plaintain
-2 tbsp Coconut Oil (you may need more, depending on how much you’re cooking)
-Kosher Salt
Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Cut your plantain into very thin slices. Melt 2 tbsp Coconut Oil. Put a thin layer of coconut oil on the plantain slice and place on your cooking sheet. Sprinkle desired salt on top of chips. Cook for 20-30 minutes. I dipped these in Guacamole. Delicious.

Question 4: What is something sweet I can eat that is still on my diet? So you don’t want to binge out on fruit, understandable. But it’s the only “sweet” thing you can currently eat. What if I told you egg whites were the answer? Would you believe me? Cause you should…
I didn’t initially measure, but I’ll give it a go:
-3/4 Cup Egg Whites
-1/2 Medium Banana
-3/4 Cup (pitted) Cherries
-2 tbsp Almond Butter
-Cinnamon to taste
I first put my egg whites in a bowl and sprinkled them with cinnamon. I added the bananas and cherries, more cinnamon, and mixed together. I put the mixture in a frying pan until cooked. I then drizzled 1 tbsp of Almond Butter on the bottom of my bowl, and 1 tbsp on top. I don’t think I actually used the full 2 tbsp, but I give you permission to.